the signs as Linda Belcher quotes

Aries: When I die I want you to cremate me and throw my ashes in Tom Selleck’s face.
Taurus: I’m the alpha turkey.
Gemini: Nonsense or mom-sense?
Cancer: Sometimes you gotta push ’em out the window.
Leo: I was gonna punch you, but I’m holding wine.
Virgo: All this talk about cake is making me hungry!
Libra: That sign says, “No running,” and you’re running your mouth.
Scorpio: I just need one more sip of my seance wine.
Sagittarius: No having fun.
Capricorn: I just wish you liked me, that’s all.
Aquarius: You’re supposed to love each other, not kill each other; this isn’t the Bible!
Pisces: Don’t you speak those words in this house!